Curdle
by Torean
Summary: Edward Elric from milk's point of view, I guess... RoyEd, "humor"
1. Milk

**I...have no clue... o.o**

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Every young carton stands in line waiting so very patiently to be chosen. Every young carton has a purpose. A duty to fulfill. But what I can't understand, not an ounce at all, is why someone would buy a young carton and not use it as it was meant to be used.

I've been in this dark box for two days, and I can feel myself growing older and useless with every passing second. The seal has yet to be broken on my top, and I'm still completely full, every ounce still present as it was before leaving my brothers and sisters.

He won't open me.

I'm fairly certain his name is Edmund or Edward, something like that. He's blond and short. Very short. I can often hear him yelling about how he isn't short, but I've seen him more than once. He's a shrimp and not the kind that is dunked in cocktail sauce.

I don't like him that much.

He keeps me in the dark for far too long. There were lights back at the store; I think I miss it back there.

Anyway, the only time I ever get to see light is when he opens the door of this box. When he reaches his hand in, sometimes a shiny metal and sometimes a dull flesh, I silently pray he's going to finally pull me out. No, orange juice has proved to be the most important liquid here. Stupid orange juice. Hate orange juice.

Seriously, why orange juice? What's so bad about milk? Hmmm?

Stupid shrimp. Why is he letting me go to waste? It doesn't make any sense!

If I had hands, I would hit him, I think.

Of course, I would have to get him to stand on a chair or something first...

Oops! Completely forgot I'm a pacifist. Silly me.

Moving on.

So, this is my crib. Eggs are back there, a stick of butter on top. I think they're a couple. Not sure though - Haven't bothered to ask. There are quite a few of those Tupperware containers around in here, plenty of them are turning out like me. Just rotting away. Maybe me and last week's spaghetti will die together.

I think I would like th-

Hm?

Well what do we have here? If it isn't Mr. Shrimp...

Wait a minute...

You're naked! Have you no shame? And who is that back there at the table?

Hey, hey, what are you doing? Don't touch me with those hands! I know where they've been! Don't think I don't!

Ew, you're sticky!

I wanna go back in the fridge! Please!!

"Here, Roy."

Roy?

"Thanks."

So your name's Roy, huh? Think you're a tough guy, don't ya?

"I don't see how anyone could like that crap."

C'mon, mess with me! I dare you!

"If you'd just try it..."

What the hell do you think you're doing!? I don't want you to drink me! Get your hands off my seal!

You're sticky too!

Nooo!

Put me down! I'm getting dizzy! For goodness sake, use a cup!!

I shouldn't have looked down! You're naked too!

What's the world coming to!?

Someone help me! Please!

"I'll try it, but only one way..."

"Oh? And how would that be?"

You drank half of me, you bastard! Well, at least now you look like a dumbass with your stupid milkstache. Take that.

"Like this."

Holy crap! They're kissing! I'm too young to see this!

Wait, don't put your hands there! That's so wrong!

This is way too much!

I'm starting to curdle!

Nooo!

It's not supposed to end like this!

Gross! Get off the table! What the hell are you - cats?

I'm getting chunky!

I'm expiring!

Nooo!

Its...

...over....

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**Don't worry. I'll probably delete it tomorrow haha.**

**By the way, the milk "died" because of watching Ed and Roy have sex. I'm not crazy...**

**But anyway, feel free to flame this! :D Like I said, it'll probably get deleted tomorrow anyway! :)**


	2. Orange Juice

**I dunno. I obviously didn't delete this fic, and I've obviously decided to add onto it. Whether this is a good thing...-shrug-  
This chapter is weird XD  
Tragic love story.**

**Anyway, in my opinion, this chapter reads better if you read it kinda fast, in the spaced out part. You'll see. It just makes it hectic to read fast, especially if you read out loud with a little distraught voice :D**

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From the moment he moved in, I knew I was madly in love. With his tall and lean physique, how could I help myself? Just being next to him gets me pulpy. So, so pulpy. Gah!!

What I wouldn't give just to be poured in a glass with him!

Oh, how wonderful that would be!

But there's a problem...

I'm fairly certain he hates me. Yep, hates me. I ain't done him no harm, so I don't know why. But if I had to guess, I think it's because they like me more. Or at least that's the way it looks to me. They almost always pick me, and yeah, he's new and all, but they ain't used him once yet. Maybe they forgot about him.

I would never forget him. Never! He's the love of my life, and I know without a doubt that we're meant to be. I just wish he would see it that way too.

Darn it! I guess I should just come out and say it. I need to confess my love!

Oh, boy, I feel all tingly inside now. My pulp is getting all rattled.

All right, all right. You can do this. You are a strong, confident carton. Concentrate!

Here goes!

Milk, oh, Milk, I lo-

No! I don't want to be used now! Not now!

Not me?

Ah! Not him! Leave him alone! Please!

Milk! Milk!

Bring him back, please! I need to tell him how I feel!

I need him to love me!

What are you doing to him out there!? Why is he screaming for help?

I'll save you, Milk! I'll rescue you!

But I can't get out of here! No!

Oh, my love, my 2% love! What horrors are you witnessing?

Just hang on for a little longer! They'll be done in no time! You'll see!

Just hang on and we can be together!

Please, Milk, please, be strong! Use your Calcium!

Oh, I can hear them out there! How terrible!

I can't take this anymore! I...I...

Butter, Eggs, we have to do something!! He's suffering out there!

Please, we have to help him!

What do you mean, 'he's on his own'!?

Don't you realize what they're doing? What he's seeing?

You're okay with that? Both you?

For shame!!

Milk, Milk, listen to me! I lo-

No! Please, no! You can't be getting chunky!

You don't expire for another week!!

Oh, the horror!

Think smooth, Milk! Think smooth!

No! No, no, no!

Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?

Why aren't you saying anything, Milk?

I can't even hear them anymore!

Why, Milk? Why?

Please, say something! Anything!

"Did you like it?"

Who said that?

"Oh, it was amazing!"

"Not that. The milk, did you like the milk?"

You _drank _him? My one, true love? You _drank _him!?

"I like your milk more."

"Well, pass me the _other_ milk, please."

Oh, I hope that means what I think it means! Please, Milk, please be alive! I need you to know that I -

"What's wrong?"

"It curdled!"

- love you.

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**I rambled my way through majority of this, by the way haha**

**Anyway, I'm hoping to go through all the fridge items. We'll find out if Butter and Eggs are a couple and we might even find out about last week's spaghetti :) Hell, might even throw in the ketchup and mayonaise.**

**I would like to thank all of you for the positive reviews. I definitely was not expecting that at all! I really, really appreciate it!!**

**Oh! For those of you who really like RoyEd love and want to know exactly what they did to make Milk curdle, then you can read all about it in my fic _Strange Pleasures_ (ch. title: Sour Milk - don't remember the number XD). Shameless advertisement haha Warning, though, it is a graphic, M-rated fic.**


	3. Butter

My story is that of pure tragedy. Brace yourself.

I once weighed 15 ounces, now only a mere 8. They used me. Took half of me away. For vile things.

Oh I can still feel myself melting away between those wretched beings.

They're monsters, those two.

First milk, and now…this.

I feel dirty. Absolutely violated.

It was morning, I believe, when the small one opened the box and pulled me out into…a kitchen, I think is the word.

He was rough with my top, ripped it from my cool body to reveal myself bare self to the world.

And then…he put something hard inside me.

I remember screaming, from myself and my box mates.

With that hard thing, he scooped some of me out and spread it on a slice of toasted bread. I've heard of humans doing this, but I never thought it would happen to me.

I watched is pure terror as he bit into the bread, into my body.

What was so sickening about the act was how much he appeared to enjoy, closing his eyes and moaning as he swallowed the bite.

When he opened his eyes, they had changed colors. I swear this is true. They were the same as my color.

Witchcraft, I think.

Another human entered, this one bigger though not as terrifying as the small one. Well, not until…he it to me. Violated me. _Destroyed me._

It gets worse.

I was sobbing with pain and fear. I didn't want to die and knew that I would.

But through my anguish I saw them embrace each other and press their lips together. They started removing the fabrics between them.

The bigger one bent the other over the table. I still do not understand why this violent act was so encouraged.

Things got somewhat hazy after this point.

The small one said something about lube, though I don't know what that is. Well…I didn't.

Horrible. Disgusting.

The big one stuck his hand inside me then smeared me over his…

You get what I'm saying, don't you? I'd rather not say _that word_.

They used me for their human games.

Then put me back in this box as though nothing had happened.

I'm shamed. None of my box mates want to even be near me anymore. They think I have some disease, and maybe I do. Maybe I'll end up like milk.

I once weighed 15 ounces, now…only 8.

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**Thanks for reading. I know this one isn't like the other two chapters. I was going for a more "noir" feel. Y**eah.


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